


The Secret's in the Telling

by bookworm03



Series: The Old and The New [1]
Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Divorce, F/M, Secrets, Work Conference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:43:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6043678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookworm03/pseuds/bookworm03
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was hard to slip into your old job and old life when you didn’t feel like the same person anymore. No amount of idea binders could fix that. Canon-divergent AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secret's in the Telling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nutriyum_Addict](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nutriyum_Addict/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUTRIYUM ADDICT! 
> 
> I warned you this kind of got weird and things spiralled a bit and yes, this is what we've ended up with so I hope you like it and enjoy it and have an amazing birthday. (And hopefully, there's at least a few lines in here that make you laugh.) 
> 
> Kind of a pre-canon timeline AU. I hope you guys like it!

**Thursday**

“How do you feel about a historical walking tour of the city before dinner - ”

“Leslie,” Ron folded his hands and lifted an eyebrow. It was a gloomy day in Indianapolis and after working through the morning (which consisted of Ron drinking scotch with his door locked and old jazz records playing) they’d made the trek north for a state-sponsored conference for municipal government officials.

“I am here for work because work is paying me to be here. I am here to learn as little as possible to ensure that I can continue to make our department as ineffective as possible - ”

“Ron - ”

“And you are here because you have only just returned from the godforsaken hippie haven known as San Diego and begged to come along. I am here to tolerate people and go to Mulligan’s. I am not taking a walking tour of anything, unless it is the Mulligan’s slaughterhouse.”

“But it’s a historical walking tour of Indianapolis, and I bet they have some really amazing buildings and sculptures we’ve never noticed before, and - ”

“I don’t care.”

“Ron.”

“Leslie, go put your stuff in your room and I will see you down here in an hour.”

“Ron - ”

“We have that budget hacking seminar in one hour and the only joy I plan to take from this conference is learning how to waste as little of taxpayer money as possible, so I will see you down here - for that - in one hour.”

Leslie sighed, trudging off to the to the elevator behind Ron and pressing the button for their floor. The hotel wasn’t anything fancy, but it had a lot of ballrooms and conference rooms, a pool and a bar, so that was something.

Truth be told, she was usually a lot more excited about these kinds of things, but right now the whole attending a conference by choice thing felt more like an attempt to escape than an attempt to make Pawnee better.

She supposed that was normal.

Their rooms were beside each other and Ron informed her as she pushed in her keycard that under absolutely no circumstances was she to try and enter his through the adjoining door.

Leslie sort of agreed as he disappeared, only to turn back and see an amber flashing light. She pulled her keycard out and tried again, met with the same result. Ugh, if her card was defective already she might scream. Again, Leslie pushed her keycard slowly and drew it out even slower.

Nope. Amber light.

She banged her head against the door.

“Are you...okay?”

Leslie spun around to be met with a man in a dark suit. He was tall, maybe about Ron’s height, but with a smaller framer and dark brown eyes. His hair was smoothed back and his brow furrowed as he took her in.

“Oh,” she straightened and looked at her bags. She’d definitely brought a lot of idea binders, and Ron had told her as much when they tried to squish everything into the car that morning. “Yes, fine, my keycard’s just faulty or something.”

“Are you here for the conference?” he tapped a lanyard around his neck and Leslie tried to read his name, but it was flipped the wrong way.

“Um, yes, Pawnee Parks and Recreation Department Deputy Director Leslie Knope,” she waggled the badge she’d picked up at the “welcome table” (that hadn’t been all that welcoming) at him.

“That...that is a mouthful,” his lips twitched with amusement and Leslie wished she felt less dead inside, because he was sort of, objectively cute. Ann would have told her she should flirt a little and have fun, if Ann knew what was going on.

But Ann did not.

Only her mother knew, and only sort of it. It was hard enough to wake up one morning and feel as though your life looked completely different than it had when you’d gone to bed, it was another thing to have everyone _treat you_ like your life was different. It was her main reason for keeping quiet on her...situation. She just didn’t want anyone to look at her like that yet.

“I know,” she started babbling before she realized the words were coming out of her mouth. “One day it’ll just be _Senator_ or _President,_ and it will be a much easier to introduce myself that way,”

Crap, that wasn’t what you said to an objectively-cute colleague you were just meeting.

“Oh well, yeah, being President would definitely un-complicate things. You won’t even have to introduce yourself, you get your own theme song and everything.”

“Right, exactly,” Leslie giggled in some weird combination of light and heavy as it occurred to her that was the first time she’d laughed without trying to in ages. It just sort of bubbled up in her chest and erupted, leaving her feeling warm all over.

“Ben Wyatt,” he stuck out his hand and Leslie shook. “I work for the state.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“You too, I’m...my room’s right there,” he gestured to a door across the hall and down one. “Are you getting the blinking amber light of death?”

Leslie laughed and hunched her shoulders. “Yeah, they probably programmed my card wrong.”

“No, honestly, they’re just really poorly manufactured because mine was doing this to me too and they had to send someone up. May I…?”

“Oh!” Leslie handed him the card and watched his eyes dart to the fourth finger on her left hand. He seemed to slump his shoulders as he slid the keycard into the slot, jiggled a little, and the light finally turned green. Ben pushed the knob and her door swung open.

“Oh my god, thank you so much!”

“You have to wiggle some of them,” he waved offhandedly.

Leslie smiled as they pulled her bags in and Ben set them on the suitcase stand. That was...chivalrous. It was the kind of thing someone else would’ve done - did, often, every time they went anywhere together. He always lifted her bags up for her even though she was obviously perfectly capable of doing it herself.

“So...are you going to that...talk tonight?”

“The budget one?”

“Mhmm.”

“Yes, although there was one on project execution at the same time that I would’ve preferred, because I’m really wanting to organize a river cleanup this spring... but I suppose budgeting stuff is sort of important.”

Ben laughed softly and swiped at his cheek.

“Well, how are you supposed to clean up your river if you don’t have the budget to do it?”

“Federal grants! I write at least fifteen grant proposals a week!”

“You must be well known in Washington by now. That should be good for when you’re President.” His mouth curled and he gave a little smirk. Wait, was he making fun of her? “Alright well uh, see you down there I guess, Leslie Knope.”

He spun on his heel to move towards the door and Leslie jolted.

“Oh, hey, wait,” she called after him. “You didn’t tell me what department you work for!”

Ben bit his lip, dropping the hand that was holding the door open.

“Accounting,” he winked, just as he clicked it shut behind him.

*****

Leslie’s eyes went wide when, 45 minutes later, she watched Ben Wyatt and another man in a dark suit walk on stage. They introduced themselves - as state _auditors_ \- and said the goal of the seminar was to help towns successfully recognize issues and regulate finances internally so they didn’t get to the point where state intervention was required.

“What you need to remember,” Ben declared, words clipped and cold and so unlike the way he’d sounded upstairs. “Is not every department holds the same importance in the successful functioning of a city. For example Parks and Recreation,”  her blood started to boil in her veins. “Might have some valuable programs, but if we need to keep a city afloat sanitation or education will always take priority. There’s a hierarchy.”

 _Excuse her?_ How could anything be more important than _parks_?

Well, okay, she supposed education was important, but that didn’t mean parks _weren’t_.

She raised her hand to say as much, a low growl rumbling in her throat, and Ron nudged her as the man not Ben Wyatt cheerfully jumped in and explained that _all services_ were important, but tragically sometimes cuts were necessary to prevent bankruptcy.

Ben said nothing in response to her question, just moved onto the next slide.

Leslie rubbed her forehead and Ron asked if she was alright as Ben Wyatt The Ass’s eyes found her through the crowd.

Callous jerk-faced jerky ass.

*****

“Hey, hi uh...hey ya, Leslie.”

His voice was more pleasant than nails on a chalkboard, but it made her shudder the same way.

“Hey,” she dropped her forehead into her hand, realizing it felt like the first time he’d called her by her actual name in forever. It had been _honey_ for as long as she could remember. _Honey_ while he pushed hair off her neck or smiled sideways as she got worked up about something. _Honey_ when her shoulders were getting a little red and he wanted to put more lotion on, or when they were grocery shopping and he wanted to chastise her for the seven boxes of different cookies she stuck in the cart.

The seminars were over for the day. Leslie was weary and honestly wanted to sink into her mattress and sleep forever, not talk to him. She both did and didn’t want to talk to him.

Truth be told, Leslie had never felt like this before. Bad things happened, sure, but she was usually able to push them deep down inside and focus on what brought her joy instead of what made her heart feel like it was being ripped from her chest. Instead of racing, her pulse seemed to slow every time she spoke to him, her limbs heavy and her veins molasses.

“How’s your...how are things with work?”

“Uh, fine, very fine, thank you for asking,” she heard him take a rattly breath and pictured him slumped over his ( _their_ ) sofa with his head in his hand. “How’s Indianapolis?”

“Okay,” Leslie curled her legs beneath her. “Um...did you - ”

“I got the papers.”

“Right.”

“And…” something clattered in the background. “I signed them, so your lawyer should have them by next week.”

Okay wow, she thought it would have taken him at least a few days to work up the nerve to do that. Dave had been the one dragging his feet through their entire marriage, utterly refusing to admit it wasn’t working and trying to give her everything she wanted as if that would fix their problems.

What she _wanted_ was a marriage that worked. What she wanted was for him to not have proposed right before he moved, allowing Leslie to somehow get caught up in everything and say yes to going with him. He’d promised they’d come back to Pawnee, of course, and maybe they would have, but…

She shouldn’t have said yes, even if she did love him, knowing she was going to San Diego just to wait him out and hope their relationship was strong enough to survive that. It had been unfair to both of them and now they were suffering for it.

Leslie sighed and pulled her knees to her chest, stretching her Pawnee Porpoises t-shirt over them like a nightgown.

“Oh well, um, great. Thank...thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome,” Dave hesitated. “Leslie - ”

“I should go!” She heard her voice break and wondered if it translated across the country.

“I’m seeing someone.”

Leslie’s head started to spin instantly, vision going blurry and stomach starting to churn. “I’m sorry, all I hear is clowns laughing in my head, it sounded like you said you were seeing someone, and we’ve only been separated for - ”

“Four months. You moved back to Indiana four months ago.”

Leslie squeezed her eyes shut, unable to stop the tears spilling down her cheeks.

“Right, well - ”

“And we uh...I didn’t...try to look for a reason to move on but then I met...when something feels right it...just does, you know?”

Well, that was a dagger to her chest, even if she didn’t want to be in California married to him anymore. Dave had felt right (or, mostly right) when she’d married him and it was hard to not question her instincts now that…

Holy crap, now that she was divorced.

What probably hurt the most was knowing that Dave was sweet and absolutely would never want to hurt her, no matter how painfully things had ended. And this was his best attempt at not hurting her.

“Right,” a fresh sob threatened to escape her throat. “Anyway, I gotta go. Ron...dinner...I have to go.”

“Uh, sure, yeah, me uh, me too. We’ll talk...soon?”

“Sure, what’s her name?” _Oh god, Leslie, you weren’t supposed to ask that. Get it together_.

“Sandra.”

“Oh, cool.”

_Cool?_

“Uh, right.” He sounded confused. He was making his confused face like when she talked about Meet the Press for too long.

“She sounds great!”

“You haven’t...I just told you her name.”

“Right, but it’s a great, cool name, there are a lot of great women named Sandra. Sandra Day O’Connor and Sandra Dee and…wasn’t Grease a great musical? You should watch that with...on your date thing.”

“Uh...okay,” Dave was totally rubbing his brow now. He did that when he didn’t know what to do with her. “So...we’ll talk later.”

“YES!”

“Great, good, I uh, talk to you later.”

The line went dead and Leslie whimpered and dropped her head into her hand just as there was a sturdy knock at the adjoining door.

“Leslie!” Ron barked. “We’re going to dinner now.”

“I um…” Leslie swiped at her eyes and pushed her face into her t-shirt. “You know, I might just stay here and get some work done for tomorrow.”

Ron didn’t answer, but the slamming of a door told Leslie it was because he was long gone.

*****

By 11pm Leslie had organized her notepads and pens and pulled a few key pieces of information out of her idea binders. She’d called Ann (who’d worked a double shift and passed out pretty soon into their conversation) and almost told her everything about Dave and Dave dating and how that made her feel.

Almost.

She still wasn’t ready yet to have it be a thing people knew about her, to know Leslie Knope had failed at something and that no amount of hard work could fix it.

Leslie checked again to confirm there was nothing on tv, threw on a pair of jeans and a blouse and headed down for the hotel bar, makeup smeared from earlier and not even brushing her hair.

Because why not. She needed to get out of her room...and her head.

She was two cosmopolitans under the table when the leather of her bench squeaked.

“You didn’t like my seminar.”

Leslie tilted her head, only to be met with warm brown eyes, ridiculously messy hair (how did one person even _have_ so much hair?) and a sharp jaw. Leslie shifted and reached for her third drink, sloshing a little on her hand.

“You just don’t seem to operate under the assumption that anything is important but the numbers, Mr. Wyatt,” she hissed, the animosity flaring within her. “I believe people are important.”

How had he even noticed her anyway? She was sitting in the middle of a crowded room and it wasn’t like she was tall.

“People are important,” Ben agreed, with just a trace of his clipped tone now. “People are also expensive and make situations more emotional, and people hide information to try and finagle more money out of us and people  - ”

“People make a government. The community, _the people_ , is what government is about. It’s in The Constitution!”

“Right,” he licked his lips. “I’m familiar with The Constitution, yes.”

“Well...good! Then...rethink your position!” She sloshed more of her drink and Ben handed her a napkin.

“Thank you,” she muttered, eyes on the table.

“Are you...okay? You seem a little...”

“I’m probably drunk.”

“Oh.”

“I shouldn’t have told you that,” she scrubbed a hand over her face. “This is a work event. I just needed a drink and these are strong and I’m - ”

“Small,” he finished for her, taking the napkin and mopping up a puddle on the table. His eyes darted to her hand the same way they had in the hall that afternoon.  

“How long have you been married?”

“Exc...what?”

“I...sorry,” he rubbed his forehead. “I was trying to change the subject. Because you’re drunk and mad at me apparently.”

“I’m not mad! We’re having a lively discussion about the foundation of government!"

“Of course,” Ben took a long sip from his beer. “What are you going to tomorrow?”

Leslie ran through a list of the seminars she would be attending - some with Ron and some not - and Ben’s eyes remained focused on her.

“I just got back from the west coast,” she explained for some unknown reason. “I’m trying to...get in the swing of things. I’ve only been back at work in Parks for four months and none of my projects seem to want to come together.”

Possibly because she didn’t have the energy to want them to come together these days. It was hard to slip into your old job and old life when you didn’t feel like the same person anymore. No amount of idea binders could fix that.

“What was on the west coast?”

“My husband’s job.” _Ex-husband_. Fuck.

“What’s he do?”

“He’s...he’s a cop, but his reserve unit got called up so that’s why we went west and…I always wanted to come back. I missed Pawnee.”

“You missed Indiana more than San Diego?” Ben lifted an eyebrow.

“Pawnee is the greatest _town_ in Indiana, probably America and possibly the world.”

He chuckled softly and then seemed to realize her eyes were blazing. Or, it felt like they were blazing...it might be the booze.

“Oh, you’re…serious.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? If you ever come to Pawnee - which I hope you don’t because you’ll just fire all these amazing people to save a few bucks - ”

“Um, that’s not - ”

“You’ll know what I meant.”

Ben tilted his head a little and smiled, his expression the same, but his eyes softening. “Well, if I ever make my way to Pawnee - which I hope I don’t because I would hate to have to fire the most amazing government workers for the greatest town in America - I hope I do. You...have a lot of hometown pride.”

“Yes,” she swallowed, eyes starting to burn. “I do. You would too if you were from Pawnee.”

“It...was it…” suddenly Leslie was standing and she didn’t even know when she’d made the decision to do that. Ben trailed off. “Are you leaving?”

“I’ve...you know I just remembered I have to prepare some things for tomorrow and,” Holy crap, were tears actually falling in front of this random, callous jerk? “I have to go.”

“Oh...sure. I...good talk.”

Leslie moved so quickly she barely caught Ben’s perplexed expression as she sprinted through the bar and straight for the elevator. She spent ten minutes fighting with her stupid keycard before it finally opened her door and she escaped into the privacy of her room.

Later, after she’d showered, she was fairly certain she heard the door across the hall open and close.

God, that was horrifyingly embarrassing. Leslie was all for being honest about your feelings, but what she was feeling that moment was complete and utter mortification at her almost-breakdown in front of a stranger.

*****

**Friday**

“I enjoyed that budgeting seminar much more,” Ron explained. “What would be a not gay way to ask that guy to go camping with me? The angry one, not the annoying one who kept doing jumping jacks.”

Leslie winced, her head spinning a little as she made her way through another ballroom and checked her schedule. This was her thing, her weekend. Seminars, note taking, question asking - this was where she was supposed to shine and her heart just wasn’t in it right now. Ron had already asked what was wrong with her when she only put three spoonfuls of sugar in her coffee.

“When is Dave returning again?” he queried casually as they made their way to the next room. Leslie looked up, throat instantly tight at the mention of his name.

“Um...we’re still not sure on the details,” she steered them through the crowd and checked the room number again. “I’m in this one.”

“Mine’s up one floor. I will see you after lunch.”

Leslie watched Ron walk away for a few seconds before sidestepping a few people and pushing on the door.

Ben Wyatt was in her seminar.

Dead-smack in the front row with his padfolio on the chair beside him. He was dressed much more casually today, in khakis and an awful plaid shirt. His hair wasn’t messy like the night before, but it wasn’t slicked back either, and he was chewing his cheek as he wrote something. When he glanced up his eyes seemed to lock onto her like a tractor beam. Leslie gave a little wave for some unknown reason.

Why was he at a seminar on preserving parks? Shouldn’t he be wanting to burn them all down and charge admission to the spectacle for the profit margin?

“Hey,” He moved his things and pointed at the chair. “You uh...wanna sit?”

 _Not with you, jerk_.

She sat though, flexing her feet and fidgeting with her notepads. It was the only seat left in the front, so what else was she supposed to do?

“Why are you here?”

Ben blinked, mouth hanging open.

“Just because I’m budget conscious doesn’t mean I don’t like parks.”

Leslie whirled to stare at him. “But weren’t you just here to give that seminar?”

“I was,” Ben sat back in his chair. “With my partner, Chris, the - ”

“Jumping jacks guy.”

“Right, he’s...positive.”

“I liked him much better than you.”

“Ouch,” Ben smirked, like his feelings weren’t hurt at all. “And here I was saving you a seat and everything.”

“Sorry,” she sighed. “That was mean.”

“It’s okay,” he shifted again. “You’re hungover.”

“Shut _up_ ,” she snickered behind her hand without meaning too, because that was super true. “It’s very unprofessional behavior!”

Ben snorted. “I’m here because I don’t have a new assignment yet and I have nothing else going on this weekend. And I may be a - ”

“Mean jerk,” it came out in a rush and her eyes lowered as she apologized again.

“That,” he grinned,  which made him look instantly younger. “But I do like parks and think...they matter. I’m not a monster.”

Leslie turned to offer a little smile as the speaker walked on stage.

Okay, she supposed sitting quietly beside him for an hour wouldn’t be too bad.

*****

“You’re going back to your room?”

“Oh, yes,” Leslie glanced to her right as they moved through the lobby. “I got a lot of ideas from that and I wanted to transfer them to my idea binder before the afternoon stuff started.”

“Right,” Ben glanced at the door. She’d asked at least six questions during that talk and left with a renewed sense of interest.

So, that was something.

“I’m just...I was gonna go to this sandwich place and...it’s not far. Do you...wanna come…?”

“Um…” Leslie thumbed her ring.

“I’m not hitting on you.”

“I know that!”

Ben tilted his head. “You must be hungry.”

“I…” actually, come to think of it, when was the last time she ate something? She’d slept too late that morning, had some peanuts at the bar the night before…

On cue, her stomach growled.

“Okay…” she shouldered her bag. “Lead the way.”

*****

“How long have you worked for the state?”

“Since college,” Ben took a sip of coffee before delving into his massive chicken parm sandwich. Leslie took a bite of her own and had to admit it was delicious, and her stomach was very happy for a hot meal, churning excitedly as soon as the food hit. Her nose crinkled at the loud noise, but he just smiled. “What about you with...?”

“Same,” she shifted. “I mean, more or less. I...obviously not when I was in San Diego.”

“What were you doing there?”

Leslie bit her lip. “Brainstorming. I… I was still looking for something. In government hopefully. It was really strange; I’ve been working my whole life and… I wrote a book on Pawnee! And I had all these great ideas and I emailed Ron a lot and I think he’s glad I’m back because project execution is never his thing.”

“You wrote a book on the greatest town in America?”

“I did. That’s actually the title.”

“Huh,” he reached for her mug. “That’s...pretty cool.”

Leslie lifted her head and studied him carefully, taking in his focused gaze and red lips. “It is?”

“Uh, yeah,” his cheeks tinged pink. “Most people aren’t that passionate about their hometown. It must’ve killed you to leave.”

Fuck, if that wasn’t hitting the nail on the head. Leslie’s voice was hoarse, her throat thick as she spoke.

“Yeah...I guess it did.”

*****

“Shit,” she snickered behind her hand as they slid into the back of the room exactly seventy seconds after the seminar had been scheduled to start. There were two empty chairs at the back that they took, making far too much noise and drawing a few glares. Leslie blushed and muffled a laugh.

It had been Ben’s idea to take a detour on the way back from lunch to show her one of the local parks. It was small but lush, and Leslie had relished every second she spent surrounded by trees and green, people dressed in suits on their lunch break strolling and children playing, and…

After her conversation with Dave the night before it just felt nice to breathe the fresh, fragrant air.

Ben hadn’t said much, though he did steer her a few times with a little nudge, his Ray Bans hanging off his nose and his hands in his pockets. He asked a few questions, asked about parks in Pawnee, asked about the book she wrote and where he might purchase a copy, and then elbowed her when she laughed and said he was serious.

She believed him.

After the seminar was over, Ben excused himself and said he had to go back to his office for a few hours. Leslie felt confusingly disappointed when she watched him walk away. For a numbers robot he was actually pretty good-natured about the whole thing and when she’d raised a hand to ask a question and made a pun about federal funding, Ben was the only one who seemed to get it and appreciate its hilariousness.

She met up with Ron for the remainder of the day, who informed her he would be returning to Mulligan’s that evening and she was allowed to come if she promised to be ready on time and say very little. When she declined instantly and gave no reason, he lifted an eyebrow.

“Leslie, what’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?

“I have known you for many years and I’ve never seen you this...you don’t seem like yourself.”

“My...I don’t know,” she admitted. “Maybe I’m not myself right now.”

“Is it because - not that I like to get involved in personal matters - but you miss Dave, I imagine.”

_That was one way of putting it._

She said nothing.

“Leslie…”

“I’m fine, Ron.

Ron shot her a look and then patted her a little too aggressively on the shoulder.

“If you’re sure.”

She was.

*****

The knock at her door at 7pm startled Leslie. Ron had long since gone to Mulligan’s and while she kind of had a feeling she _knew_ the only other person it could be, she was still -

“Hi,” Ben quirked a smile at her. He’d changed into jeans. “Did you eat yet?”

“Um, no,” she swallowed. “I’m actually...there’s a walking tour of...I just wanted something to do for the...night. It’s...and then I was going to...order room service or something after.”

“Oh,” he bit his lip. “Can I come?”

Leslie blinked. “What? You...you live in Indianapolis.”

“I mean…” Ben rubbed his cheek. “I have a condo but it’s not uh...it’s not like I’m here much or that I go out much when I am...do you...want company? I’m not doing anything else, honestly, but if you’d rather I didnt…”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he grinned and Leslie felt her lips start to curve into a smile . “Cool.”

*****

Ben Wyatt was a dork.

First of all, he was probably more excited than she was about a walking tour in a city he claimed residence in. Second of all, he used his cell phone to light up her guidebook so she could tell him more interesting facts. Thirdly, he kept whispering in her ear and asking if she was a professional tour guide in a past life, which made her giggle and smack his arm as the instructor shushed them.

When it ended at 10pm Leslie’s feet hurt and her stomach was growling, but she still spared a few minutes to ask some brief follow-up questions.

At 10:15pm Ben grabbed her arm and teasingly reminded her she could email the guy later.

“I’m starving, let’s eat,” his thumb brushed her elbow. Dave would never have interrupted her. He would’ve let her go on and on until it was midnight and he was dying of hunger pains and exhausted and annoyed.

Not that...not that she should be comparing the two.

It was just interesting. As a government worker human behavior interested her. That was all.

Ben took her to a small restaurant a few blocks away and ordered them both beers while she perused the menu. They talked a little about the tour while they waited, and then said nothing while they devoured their meals.

“So, what’s on tap for tomorrow, Knope?”

She listed her seminars and Ben checked his phone.

“I uh...I like...I would...would you care if I...came to a few of those?”

“No,” she answered super quickly and took another sip of her beer. “Just don’t get me in trouble again.”

Ben grinned like the huge dork he was and keyed something in just as Leslie’s own phone started to vibrate.

_Dave._

“It’s...my husband.” _Ex-husband_.

“Oh!” Ben gestured in front of him. “Yeah, of course, take...take that.”

She whipped it to her ear and shut her eyes. “Hi...hey…”

Silence.

“Dave?”

Silence, and then...

He’d butt-dialed her. He was always - _always_ \- doing that, but this time he...oh god, he _butt-dialed her_ _when he was with another woman_ and she heard light laughter and Dave’s low rumble and and a little sigh of contentment and…

She threw her phone across the table, sending it careening to the floor with some silverware as the colors of the room started to swirl.

Ben gave her a funny look, dipping down and scooping up her phone.

“Um,” he checked the screen. “Everything okay?”

Leslie hung up quickly when he handed it over and squeezed her eyes shut, willing the stinging to disappear.

“Fine!” It came out strangled. “Totally fine, A-okay, no issues, all fine, great! Totally…”

Ben lifted an eyebrow and she slumped onto the table.

“I have a secret,” she whispered, feeling drunk off of nothing and unsure why she was telling him. Ben clucked his tongue.

“...oh, yeah?”

“Mhmm. Big one,” she reached for her beer. “Nobody knows. Not even Ron or my best friend...only my mother and only because I had to tell somebody.”

Ben arched an eyebrow as she raised her gaze. “Oh yeah? Must be a good one...”

“It’s huge.”

“...If your husband doesn’t even know.”

Leslie’s vision was foggy as she took another hearty gulp.

“That’s the secret.”

“The husband part?”

“The divorce part.”

Ben’s mouth popped open.

“Oh.”

“Told ya it was a good one,” Leslie drained her beer. “I need another one of these, Benjamin.”

“I’ll get you another one,” he motioned quickly for the waitress as Leslie declared it _his turn._

“Excuse me?”

“I told you a big secret, make me feel better and tell me one of yours.”

“I don’t...have a big secret.”

“Everyone has secrets.”

Ben twisted his lips and hesitated. The waitress appeared and he ordered them another round before turning back to her.

“When I was eighteen I ran for mayor of my hometown and won.”

Leslie’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”

“Mhmm,” he drummed his fingers on the table and explained how that - and his consequential impeachment - had led to the path he was on now. He explained how he wanted to run for office again and felt like he needed to show he was responsible. He told Leslie about how his girlfriend at the time had dumped him and his parents had rotten fruit thrown at them in the grocery store and…

He gave a little shrug. “Obviously, I’m...yours is bigger.”

“I was jealous of you,” she recalled it now. Benji Wyat, Partridge, Minnesota. “In high school I followed your campaign.”

Ben snorted a laugh and murmured how she shouldn’t have been, but then their beers were placed in front of them and they both kind of trailed off.

“So, that...you heard him…”

“He’s dating again.”

“That sucks,” Ben’s eyes tilted up and tears finally spilled over her cheeks. This was the second time she’d cried in front of him in as many days and she should probably care more.

“Yeah…” she sniffled as Ben handed her a napkin. “It really does.”

Her thumb slid over her ring.

“God, it really does,” she laughed around a sob. “I’m sorry...it’s...it’s weird to put this on you.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” she tried to smile. “And I...I really am normally a positive person and I try to not let things get me down for too long but this...I’m just…”

“Depressed.”

Leslie bit her lip. “Well...yes.”

“Your marriage is ending. That’s...completely understandable, whether you were the one who wanted it to or not. And that...knowing that’s happening, that’s shitty because it feels like he’s not feeling the same way.”

“Yes! Exactly!” Somewhere inside her a bubble seemed to burst. “Even though he was the one that was...fighting harder to keep it together. Which is so unlike me, because I’m usually the one trying the hardest at anything and this time I just...didn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Ben cleared his throat. “That’s...I haven’t ever gone through that so I can’t even imagine how it feels…”

“It feels like my life is falling apart,” her eyes locked on his. Ben’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “And I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“That…” he licked his lips. “I know how that feels.”

“It feels like I need a lot of beer.”

Ben chuckled softly.

*****

“Oooookay, here we go,” Ben’s arm was securely around her as he guided her off the elevator and towards her door. She cackled and fell into him, murmuring he was bony as he pulled her along. She was very drunk, even more drunk than the night before, and they were both snickering as they reached her room. He set her against the wall as he took her keycard. Leslie face planted into his shoulder while he did. God, he was angular - the total opposite of Dave.

Not that...not that she should be thinking about that.

Leslie stumbled as the door clicked behind them and Ben steered her towards the squishy queen sized bed.

“I’m vrunk.”

“You are vrunk,” Ben agreed as he sat her down and patted her sides gingerly. “But you needed it, I think, and that...all of that was fun. I had fun with you.”

“Me too,” any iciness she’d felt towards him had been gone since that afternoon and all she saw when she looked at him in the light of her room was warm brown eyes and a sharp jaw. He was close and seemed to radiate heat, the subtle scent of his aftershave permeating her nostrils and sending a thrum of need through her.

Fuck, was she horny? She might be horny. It had been a while.

“So...I’ll...8:45 I’ll...if you wanna walk down together.”

“Okay,” she swallowed. “Thanks for uh...this was fun.”

“It was fun, thanks for letting me tag along.”

Okay, did they have no other adjectives to describe their evening?

“Thanks for letting me…talk. It was nice to get that off my chest,” her words made sense to her but they felt slurred coming off her tongue. Ben gave her a friendly smack that made her flinch while he pulled a strange face.

“Uh, sorry. Night, Knope.”

She flopped back on her mattress as soon as the door shut, barely remembering to ask for a wake up call before passing out with her pants unbuttoned on top of her covers.

******

**Saturday**

“How’d you sleep?” Ben nudged her as they waited in line for coffee. Leslie smiled, drowsier than she’d ever felt in her life but somehow more rested all the same. The twisting ache in her belly she’d felt the night before was gone, of course. Alcohol made everyone horny.

“Great, thanks,” she tilted her head up and decided that yes, his face was definitely cute. Depressed and recently divorced or not, Leslie could acknowledge that. “How about you?”

“Good,” he shifted. “The beds here are nice.”

“Why don’t you just stay in your apartment?”

“Uh,” Ben laughed. “Well, free _nice_ hotel stay for one, with room service and housekeeping and...it kind of feels like a vacation when I’m not on one,” he reached the front of the line and ordered a black coffee. “Also, my apartment is kind of shitty. What do you want?”

“Oh! No, it’s - ”

“My treat.”

“No, my treat,” she hurried up to join him, ordering a mocha with double whip and fishing out some cash. “It’s my treat, you bought the burgers.”

“ _Good_ morning, Leslie,” Ron greeted her with a curious eyebrow. “You’ve made friends, I see.”

“Uh, hey,” Ben stuck out his hand. “Ben Wyatt.”

“Ronald Swanson,” Ron shook in a way that seemed a little too firm. Ben’s knuckles were white when he pulled back. “Leslie, may I please speak with you for a moment.”

Leslie sighed, stepping away and joining Ron against a wall while Ben waited for their coffees.

“Leslie, what are you doing?” 

“Making friends?”

“Flirting with a gentleman who is not your husband.”

_Wow._

“I’m not flirting with anyone.”

“Leslie - ”

“You! You have no idea what is...that means…you...mind your own business, Ron!” she snapped more aggressively than she meant to. Ron’s eyes went wide and Leslie stormed off and back to Ben, who handed over her coffee with a creased forehead.

“Are...are you okay? You’ve...you look a little bit terrifying right now, no offense.”

She felt terrifying. Blood was pounding in her ears and her eyes seemed like they were bulging out of her sockets. Her fingers trembled as they curled around her mocha. She scooped some whipped cream and shoved it into her mouth.

“Ron’s all _why are you flirting with a gentleman who isn’t your husband!_ Well, because as of Monday morning I will not _have_ a husband and my husband is having other women over and flirting with them and I can do what I want and...and...arrgh!”

Ben blinked. “Wait...are...are you flirting with me?”

“No!” Her cheeks grew hot and she looked away quickly. “No, no, wow, that was inappropriate. I probably should not have told you that. Sorry.”

Ben sighed softly and rested his shoulder against a pillar. “You should tell him about everything. Not because you feel like you owe him an explanation but because he’s your boss and also your friend, it sounds like, and he’s...you should tell him. If he cares enough to point that out to you he’ll probably want to help.”

“I um,” she rubbed her forehead and took a breath. “I’m not ready for it to be real yet.”

She wasn’t ready for people to look at her differently, ask questions, query about how Dave was feeling about this whole thing. She wasn’t ready to have to run through a list of explanations ( _excuses_ ) about how she’d convinced herself it was the right decision in the moment when deep down she knew it wasn’t.

“Come on,” he patted her shoulder, snapping her out of her reverie. “Class is in session.”

*****

“My office is full of idea binders,” Leslie had spread the binders she brought out on the floor of Ben’s hotel room. It was much neater than hers - clothes folded and put away like someone who had experience living out of one. Whether it was the day’s seminars or the company or beer still running through her, Leslie was buzzing again, feel inspired and purposeful and it was just…

Good. It was why she’d wanted to come to the conference in the first place.

“I have so many parks projects I’ve been dying to sink my teeth into and it’s just - oh!” she reached into her bag and revealed a copy of Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America. “I had this extra copy. You can have it, so you can read it and realize why Pawnee is so amazing.”

Ben’s mouth twisted and he took the book from her and thumbed the pages.

“Well, thanks. Is it signed by the author - oh,” he grinned when he saw the lengthy passage she’d written on the inside cover. Everyone got a detailed dedication, of course. Ben wasn’t special.

“Sometimes I get carried away.”

“I bet you do,” his eyes slanted downward.

For some reason the tame, completely innuendo-free way he said that made her shiver.

*****

“Where are we going?” she cackled as he Ben latched onto her elbow and steered her onto the main street. He stopped abruptly and then spun around.

“Fuck, it’s...I swore it was…”

“Are you lost?”

“No!” his brow furrowed and his nose crinkled. “Fuck, it’s right around here.”

“You don’t know your own _city_?”

“Okay,” he held up his hands. “Listen, I don’t live here that often.”

“This is a compelling argument for living in small town, Mr. Wyatt. Should we try down here - ” she stepped off the curb as a car came speeding around a corner. Ben yanked her back with a yelp, fingers clutching hers.

“Careful,” he breathed, his thumb brushed her skin and it was that, of all things, that made her pulse start to race. Her face must’ve shown her surprise because Ben dropped her hand just as quickly as he’d taken it.

“Sorry,” he winced. “It’s...it’s down here.”

Twenty minutes later she was seated in the back of a cozy cafe with a waffle sundae in front of her and a grin plastered on her face. She dove in quickly, the ice cream melting on her tongue and the incident of handholding forgotten.

Well, sort of forgotten. Her skin still tingled where his fingers had been.

What freaked her out the most, if she was being honest, was she didn’t hate it for the full six seconds it happened.

“Good?” he checked her face that had hot fudge trickling down it. Ben snorted and pushed a napkin onto her chin.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“It’s amazing. I mean, JJ’s would be better, but JJ’s doesn’t make a waffle sundae. I can’t believe we leave tomorrow. This has been...I didn’t know how I’d feel coming to this, but I think it was just what the doctor ordered.”

Again, she wasn’t sure _what_ exactly had caused her to feel like this, but she wasn’t going to question it.

“Well,” he leaned back in his seat. “I know I definitely learned a lot about uh...Parks and its value as a department.”

Leslie grinned. “And will you go forth to your next town and consider this while you…”

“Hack budgets with a machete?”

She shoved another bite of waffle in and chewed thoughtfully.

“If only most Deputy Directors of the Parks and Recreation Department loved their job as much as you did, I might have learned that a long time ago.”

“I don’t like failing.”

Ben covered her hand like it was instinct. “It’s...maybe it’s worth it, though, failing right now. Better...now than y’know, finding out in ten years you picked the wrong guy.”

“I knew it,” she swallowed. “I knew it before I...I loved him, but something just didn’t feel right but then I thought I was overthinking it and it’s...and he loved me so much more than I ever did him and I should’ve trusted my gut.”

Ben studied her carefully.

“Sometimes failing is good,” his thumb was brushing against the back of her hand. “Sometimes it...leads you somewhere you didn’t expect and gives you perspective you didn’t have before.”

“You’re very smart,” she smiled, eyes glassy. “I’m...thank you for letting me talk,” his thumb circled a loop around hers. “It’s been weird having no one to talk to.”

“You...do not strike me as the type of person who will be down for long, but,” Ben stilled. “You...you should tell your friends. I’m sure they’d want to know. To help, even if they can’t really.”

This time he didn’t pull his hand away.

“I’m not hitting on you.”

Leslie laughed, but there was a lump in her throat.

She kind of wished he would, just to make her feel something else.

*****

**Sunday**

“Leslie, are you ready to go?” Ron rapped on her door the next morning and Leslie swung it open and pushed her bags into view.

“I’m ready,” she stated clearly. “Are you - ”

“Yes, let’s stop wasting taxpayer money and get out of this godforsaken - ”

“You’re going?” A voice across the hall called. Leslie looked up and saw Ben standing there in jeans and a t-shirt, hair messy. Ron gave him a curt nod and Leslie smiled. She absolutely was going to tell him she was leaving because he’d been a good friend all weekend and…

Obviously, she had to say goodbye to him and thank him for being so nice.

“Yes, we, Ron wants to get back.”

“Again, your seminar was very informative,” Ron stuck out his hand. Ben thanked him and gave a little nod.

“And it was…”

“SO NICE TO MEET YOU!” Leslie threw her arms around him quickly and hugged only as tightly as she dared. “Seriously, so so nice, to meet you. Glad I could change your mind on parks and thank you for keeping me company.”

Ben was slow to drop his embrace, his lips pulling upwards at the corners.

“Thanks for keeping me company too. Good...good luck with everything.”

“Thanks,” she shivered when he held her eyes and finally released her. Ron shot her a look as Leslie wheeled her bags in a semi circle and started towards the elevator.

“Leslie, what the hell is going on with you?”

“I’ll tell you in the car.”

She spun to face Ron who gave a gruff little nod.

“Good.”

*****

**Five Weeks Later**

Leslie was half naked when her doorbell rang. She yanked on a pair of sweatpants, pulling a tank top over her head as she hurried down the stairs. It was probably Ann wanting an impromptu wine and Project Runway night or -

Or Ben Wyatt, looking sheepish and holding flowers. What the hell?

“Uh, hi.” he scuffed his feet on the ground. He was in a nice black suit, but his shirt had small plaid checks that, after spending a weekend staring at his plaid shirts, were somehow endearing.

“H-hi,” Leslie smoothed down her matted curls, saying a silent prayer she didn’t look as gross as she felt. “What...what are you doing here? How did you get my - ”

“Ron.”

“Oh,” she swallowed hard. “I...I told him…on the drive home.”

“He said,” Ben’s lips twisted. “I liked your book. It made me want to come to Pawnee.”

“So you did,” her pulse started to race. “What - ”

“I want to buy you dinner.”

Leslie gulped. “Um...what?”

“I...I would like to...I like you. I...I liked hanging out with you a lot, and I know it was only a few days and you were going through some stuff, and maybe you’re not ready for that, but I...liked it. You. I like you.”

Her cheeks burned.

“Oh.”

“So, I would like to give you these,” he handed her a bouquet of wildflowers and her heart pounded louder. Had she told him about the mural? She didn’t think so, so why would he...

“Why...why wildflowers?”

Ben looked confused. “Um...I just...I don’t know, honestly. I’m not much for picking flowers. I saw them and I liked them and…”

Okay yep, her heart was in her throat.

“Is...are they okay?”

“Yes,” amazing. They were bright and colorful, and her gaze flicking between the flowers and Ben’s face made the tears want to come.

“Can...Can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Buy you dinner tonight? Or tomorrow night, if you have plans. I...look, I don’t know what the rules are in terms of dating after...” _a divorce_ his eyes finished for him. “But I...have not stopped thinking about you and my idiot brother convinced me it was worth a shot.”  

“Oh!” Leslie’s limbs had started to shake and butterflies fluttered violently in the pit of her stomach. Holy crap, Ben drove from wherever to ask her out.

“Um...yes. Yes, I’d...I would enjoy that. Tonight. I don’t have plans.”

“Great,” his lips spread into a slow smile and his whole face seemed to brighten. Fuck, the last time anyone had been that happy to take her out was…

It didn’t matter. What mattered was Ben was cute and whether she’d let herself acknowledge it or not, she’d enjoyed his company more than anything that weekend. His company had been what gave her a shake and sent her home feeling like who she really wanted to be was starting to stir again inside her.

“Do you...want to come in while I change? I’m...kind of a mess.”

“You’re not,” he smiled crookedly, eyes twinkling. “And yes, thanks, I’ll...take your time.”

Ben stepped forward, but Leslie forgot to move back, too busy smelling her flowers. When she looked up he was right there, bodies almost touching and his eyes slanted down towards hers. His aftershave was the same, just as subtle as it seeped through her pores and clung underneath her skin. He took a breath and broke her gaze, chuckling a little.

“I’m really glad you said yes, because I totally thought I was about to make an ass of myself, not that I still might not at dinner but - ”

Leslie grabbed his jacket and dragged him against her, kissing him slowly, her body sealing against his. He tasted a strange mix of spearmint and lemons and the little sound he made in his throat spurred her on. Her stomach jolted and her toes curled when Ben’s hands finally moved, tangling in her hair and sighing when she ran her tongue along his bottom lip.

They pulled back breathlessly, inching away from each other like they weren’t sure if they should. Ben’s nose bumped hers and he kissed her lightly again, hand cupping her neck.

“Uh, hi.”

“Whoa.”

They laughed, Leslie’s more of a loud cackle.

“So...dinner.”

“Right,” she gulped. “I’m um...let me get changed and put these in water and...yeah.”

“Great.”

“Great, have a seat on...um…” crap, her house was a disaster. Ben chuckled and perched on the arm of her sofa.

“And if you want to kiss me again that’s great too,” he caught her hand as she moved away. Leslie’s blushed, but shivered as he thumbed the inside of her wrist.

“We’ll see how dinner goes, Mr. State Auditor,” she teased as she peeled herself away and headed for the kitchen, grin never leaving her face.

Maybe there was an upside to failure.


End file.
